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Keep Greeting Keep Asking (Special Needs)

By Becky Stern

As difficult as it is to describe one's child in 3 minutes or so, I will do my very best to share two quick stories with you that I hope will be helpful in understanding a little bit about him. As you may have had a chance to read in the short bio handout on your way in to services tonight, my son, who is almost 14, has autism, and was highly verbal until age 9, when he experienced a severe regression in all areas, including loss of language.  It can be very difficult and awkward to communicate with someone who is essentially nonverbal, as I know all too well — it was difficult FOR ME, and I am his mother, the person who knows him best in the whole world. However, he can understand what is said to him, and is delighted when people speak to him as I am speaking to all of you right now. Here, then, are the two quick stories:

Last year, I walked my daughter to her kindergarten classroom at Carrboro Elementary School every morning, and Caleb was with me. Each morning, a wonderful special education teacher named Carlos Lavin, was posted as a kind of sentry/traffic director in the hallway and so he saw us every day. Mr. Carlos greeted Caleb each day with a hearty "HI Caleb!" This went on for months, and Caleb, who is a very high energy kid, always just barreled right past him, without acknowledging him in any way. This did not deter Mr. Carlos, who kept up his greeting. One morning, Caleb turned around and flashed Mr. Carlos the most spectacular grin and locked eyes with him in a very definite return of his "Hi!" and Mr. Carlos' arms shot up in victory. It was a beautiful moment!  

We had a similar experience in Caleb's therapeutic music group, which is called Voices Together. Caleb has been regularly attending this group for years. Each week, the instructor asks each student how they are feeling today, and Caleb always tries to answer, but usually cannot get the words out. One day not too long ago, when the instructor asked him how he was feeling, Caleb said "happy" twice. The instructor's jaw fell open. When I reported this incident to a good friend of mine, she said "well you know why he was able to answer? Because she kept asking." 

I tell these stories to illustrate that Caleb really does appreciate when people talk to him, even if he cannot always respond. If you do not get a response, it is not because you have done or said anything wrong. He welcomes being spoken to with respect and dignity, as we all do, and it means the world to my husband and me when people in the community address him in this way. It might feel awkward or difficult at first, but I encourage you to push past the awkwardness and just be with Caleb, or any other nonverbal person, as two fellow human beings who have thoughts and feelings.

Fri, March 29 2024 19 Adar II 5784