Got Chavurah? (Interfaith)
By Glenn Simon
As interfaith parents of newborn twins in 1997, we were navigating the pursuit of a spiritual pathway for our family. My two brothers and I were raised in a Jewish home and were Bar Mitzvah’d in Conservative and Reform traditions respectively. My wife was raised in the Catholic tradition with regular Sunday church attendance and a parochial school education. However, having grown up and received all of her education in New York City, my wife seems to have absorbed some Jewish values and identity through interaction with Jews and osmosis (oxymoronic science humor!)
Starting a family in a mixed faith household definitely calls the question of family spirituality. In speaking with others and researching this issue, we came to the conclusion that committing to no tradition, or to a mash-up of traditions, would probably yield the least desirable outcome for us. We definitely wanted our kids to grow up feeling part of a progressive environment with a strong spiritual tradition and community that would help them to define their lives within the local and world community, as well as provide a frame of reference for a life-view that is bigger than any one person (Are you listening, Donald?)
Up to that time, we had not committed to a religious affiliation as a couple, but had been “trying on” several local options such as the Eno River Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, Judea Reform, Triangle Community Church, UNC Hillel, and the Triangle Humanistic Judaism Society. We heard about and attended a seminar series for interfaith couples conducted by Rabbi Frank Fischer (retired Director of UNC, Duke, and other Hillels, and interim JRC Rabbi). Several other interfaith couples showed up to the class. They were all about to launch their families and were also struggling with many of the same challenges and questions such as navigating the winter holidays and other “cross currents” of faith practices that arise from the pairing of different traditions.
Most of us were couples consisting of Jewish men with non-Jewish wives who were considering, or were already committed to, raising their kids as Jews. If memory serves, (cause lately mine’s been taking some unauthorized breaks) the seminar discussions were vibrant, balanced, and honored the full spectrum of beliefs, feelings, and differences shared by many couples, not just interfaith. By the final meeting, most of the attendees agreed to form a Chavurah (Jewish fellowship) as a pathway to continuing the dialogue and support that were seeded by the seminar…actually it was more likely an excuse to consume more food and wine together.
As it turned out, the core group of that Chavurah which was forged in the crucible of Rabbi Fischer’s discussions 18 years ago remains intact with only an occasional addition or departure. Interestingly, we have all become members of JRC and attended our respective childrens’ B’nai Mitzvahs at JRC. We continue to gather at a member’s home to experience all of the significant Jewish Holidays together, and even go out to dinner on occasion. At this point, we know all of the intimate details about each other: who bakes the best Challah, who will be staying to the bitter end of Yitzkor, who has converted to Judaism (and who is still threatening), and who has a clandestine Christmas tree.
We have been there to help each other through myriad life events such as health crises, employment challenges, and planning of B’nai Mitzvahs. For several years, we even formed the core of pancake flippers for the annual JRC Education Breakfast, have worked together on Mitzvah Day projects, and now lean on each other through the trials and tribulations of the teen years and college applications.
The significance of our Chavurah may also have impacts that go beyond religious tradition, including the fact that all of us have remained married to our spouses, and we have shared some significant professional and business connections through our networking. Our interfaith Chavurah has framed our lives as a source of stability, continuity, shared Jewish values, celebration and support. Like any deep relationship, it has taken on a life of its own that feels like extended family and honors all of the commitments and sacrifices involved in passing on the Jewish faith to the next generation. The camaraderie, social gatherings, common membership in JRC, along with respect, caring and support have been the glue that binds us to a Jewish life together. Got Chavurah?
