Becky Stern's Inclusion Story

By Becky Stern

As some of you know, my 16 year old son, Caleb McElreath, has autism and is nonverbal. You may also know that music is his passion, and that he loves to sing. It is really not too much of an exaggeration to say that most days he both wakes up and goes to sleep singing. He is a fan of everything from 70’s classic rock to contemporary R & B, AND he is particularly fond of the music in our Friday night services. At a service he and I attended this past summer, he was in full voice, and burst into joyful song at several points. While he rarely manages to sing in unison with everyone else, he certainly sings with gusto or as we might say with”ruach!”

At the conclusion of services, several congregants approached Caleb to let him know they had enjoyed his singing. “Nice voice tonight Caleb!” “Caleb, I really enjoyed hearing you sing tonight!” “Caleb, I heard a voice that sounds a lot deeper than the last time I heard it!”

Caleb clearly delighted in the friendly and enthusiastic attention. This meant so much to me, his Mom. It seems a bit like a no brainer, right? People spoke to him like they speak to anyone else! They spoke DIRECTLY to him, not over his head to me. They assumed he could absolutely hear and take in their words, as indeed, he can. People didn't seem to mind that sometimes he sang at the wrong times or in the wrong places; they just recognized his joy as we all sang in remembrance of our departure from Egypt! Caleb does not always get this kind of reception in public places. Rather, people stare; they point; they nudge their companion so they can point out the weird kid. Even after all this time, those kinds of experiences leave me stricken.

I feel lucky that he and I enjoy such a warm and accepting community in our place of worship. This is what inclusion looks and feels like to me and Caleb at Judea Reform.